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Zanimljivo psihotično iskustvo sa travom [ENG]

22 odgovora3,385 pregleda
3kokosa2ISTRAŽIVAČ

maj 2008.

#1
copy paste sa alt.drugs.pot. Ukratko ovjek je kad je prvi put puaio do~ivio intenzivan trip i zavraio na psihijatriji. Dalje objaanjava kako je prevladao sve strahove i kako mu je trava na kraju ipak pomogla da shvati neke stvari. Vrlo zanimljivo, isplati se cijelo pro itati. Ispri avam se na engleskom, ali nemam vremena prevesti... "First of all, I used to be a regular poster here a few years ago, but sort of drifted away. I wasn't toking anymore, so I just sort of felt like I was the old lady hanging around a nursing home. But now, I'm so glad to be writing this high as a kite. But a little background on why I stopped smoking and why I restarted... I first started toking in December of 1996. I was 26 years old at the time. Some guy from work, who happened to be a 17-year-old, by the way, after two months of asking, finally got me to try some. I never thought I'd see the day that a Mr. Goodie Two-Shoes like me would ever try "taking drugs." But I did. And I was disappointed...disappointed in myself for believing all the crap I was told about marijuana, and how it would make the world look like a mosaic of construction paper and jellybeans. I enjoyed just being high for a while, and noticed that I seemed to be able to think more clearly than usual. I thought that might be useful, so in March of 1997, I decided to start getting high, then trying to find answers to the big questions in life. Things like: Who am I? Why am I here? Why are any of us here? Who is God? Is the universe infinite? Is there a Hell? I used the internet, the Bible and apocryphal texts, and scriptures of other religions, along with various new age books, trying to find answers. Some things started making sense. Some things about my life, the questions I was asking, the things I was experiencing, were all starting to add up to something, but I wasn't sure exactly what. Well, by August of 1997, I was having some wild experiences, basically flipping out. Some idea popped into my mind -- some powerful message from beyond that said, "You're God!" Well, I immediately shrieked in horror, "Noooo!!!" I didn't want to be God! At that moment in time, my own logic would not allow me to deny myself the experience of being God. I was committing the biggest blasphemy of all, and even after projecting through the cosmos a vision of heaven so full of lust and sin that everyone in heaven would have to be a cheap slut to even cope with the environment. Then I got even more powerful messages from beyond saying, "THAT'S NOT WHAT HEAVEN'S LIKE!" I insisted in my telepathic communications back to it, that, "Yes IT IS!!" I got back, "YOU ARE GOING TO H E L L ! ! ! !" And at that instant, my body was racked with something that wasn't pain, but it made me arch my back and sort of force air into my lungs while trying to hold my breath. Instant horror. Later, I got high again and this time I was reading internet messages and somehow my mind interconnected with what I was reading and I got the idea that Jesus was back to rapture the world any second, and I remember being so damned happy. But then my joy turned to horror when I discovered that indeed it was time for the rapture, but I failed and was going to Hell. Now. No discussion. Time has expired for forgiveness. You're going to Hell, and I don't have to tell you why. It was a horrible feeling. I felt my skin burning as the torment of my soul commenced, and I was assured that the pain would be quickly rising exponentially, and would last forever more. In my horror, something got me to call my mother, but the number I dialed was to my roommate's mother. And I got into a bunch of questions with her, obviously scaring her to death. But that was the end of that panic attack. But it put me over the edge into full-blown psychosis. I ended up spending three weeks in a mental hospital, diagnosed with psychosis, schizophrenia, narcissism, and emotional displacement...oh, and a touch of autism, he said. My parents took me home to stay with them for a couple of months. They told me that the psychiatrist had said that smoking pot had caused my psychosis. He said that some people can handle pot, and some can't. The ones who can get along normally, and the ones who can't (like me) go berserk. My parents told me that each time I smoke pot, it will get worse and worse. I never heard the doctor say this himself, mind you. I just heard this first from my parents, who are verily, verily, I say unto thee, against the use of marijuana. My friend and lifelong intermittent roommate came to rescue me from that situation in December 1997. I stayed with him and got a hold of some more pot. I smoked again and on that first time, I came back inside with a nice high going. I put a piece of apple pie in the microwave for two minutes and thought, "Hmmm... A two-minute warning." I stared, mystified at the slice of apple pie turning lazily in the microwave. I stood up and looked around and was feeling very weird. My roommate looked at me and asked if I was okay. I didn't know. Suddenly it hit me. I'd smoked pot again, so I was going to Hell. Here we go again! Another trip to Hell! But this time I had more sense about me and told my roommate to talk to me, and to keep going back over the same topics so I can keep a grasp on reality. He helped me out with that. I came out of that panic attack fine. After four years of dealing with these mental symptoms, I was able to work again after all my delusions failed to come true. I got a job, then a car, then a different job, and then moved back closer to home where I'm at today.
3kokosa2ISTRAŽIVAČ

maj 2008.

#2
So a couple of weeks ago I decided to try smoking some pot again. But expecting another panic attack, I was very careful not to smoke too much too soon. I smoked just a tiny little bit the first time through a water bong I'd made out of a water bottle. Not even enough to feel a buzz. But no signs of a panic attack after five minutes. I tried a little more, more than the first time. After a few minutes I did start to feel a buzz coming on. I started having some connective, synchronistic experiences with the text I was reading on my computer screen. It was the kingdom of God, which I guess can be reached without pot, but how everything interconnected with my thoughts on that first high was astonishing. But soon, I started to come down from that, and started having darker thoughts, and sure enough I felt a panic attack coming, but more slowly than before. I walked to the bed, trembling, lying down and expecting the worst. But it was milder than I thought. I went through it on my own without making a sound, though it was scary. I got high again the next night and had an even milder attack, and you wouldn't even call it a panic attack. You'd just say I scared myself half to death with my overactive imagination. Well, it turns out, after looking back at everything, that just as I had suspected during my hiatus from smoking pot, that it wasn't the marijuana that caused the problem. It was the ideas I took on as fact during my formative years. One of my "fondest" memories is a scene taking place in a fundamentalist Pentecostal Christian church. I mean the hard-core no TV-watching, no makeup on the women, no long hair on the men variety of pentecostal believers. The preacher was up on the pulpit screaming with rage that we all deserve nothing but Hell, and that we all deserve to go there and burn in an everlasting fire seven times hotter than any fire on Earth...unless we accept Jesus and his crucifixion on the cross as payment for our commission of sins. During my life, I'd come to adopt my own beliefs about God. I wasn't willing to accept what preachers were telling me about God. I thought that if we were created in God's image, then we must also desire the same things that God desires. Safety, comfort, and lots of pleasure and bliss. Why would God create life to experience an eternal struggle to reach an impossible goal? No, I believed it had to be simpler--that God created life to move quickly from birth to godhood. I have never believed in reincarnation. I think we are created as souls, have a temporary existence in a reality-space held together by God and kept from complete destruction, and as our own soul learns about reality and how to manipulate the way we perceive reality, works to pull you away from the collective and create a new universe for you to exist in forever -- eternal life, all there for your entertainment and pleasure, in whatever form that takes for you--and anything you can imagine is possible. Naturally, I then had in my mind during the first panic attack, two completely opposite styles of gods. One was a dickhead asshole totalitarian dictator motherfucker, and the other was an all-permissive God whose motto is, "If you can imagine it, it's not a sin." The war was on in my mind to see who was going to be the victor. This went on for some time from 1997 to 2001 and finally I stopped thinking about it much until March 6, 2008. Then that's when I started smoking again was about five weeks after that. So what I'm actually saying, after all that extra wordage, is that marijuana has actually FIXED my "mental problem." It exposed that deep-rooted wrapping of fear around my soul -- fear of everything...fear that everything I was doing was ensuring my eternal damnation. While that used to be a real terror in my highs, now I think of going to Hell and I just laugh about it. The prescription pharmaceuticals those doctors tried to make me take certainly wasn't doing what pot did. Those pills like risperdol and chlorpromazine shut the mind down where it can't work all that crap out like it's designed to do -- weeding out the crap from the mushrooms, so to speak. Once you weed out the crap, and all you have left is mushrooms, you're on a natural, controlled shroom trip without the shrooms, and the things you learn, you retain because you've built the knowledge and understanding on a foundation, and not jumped over the foundation to get to the mentally pleasurable stuff, which disappears after the shrooms wear off. Now when I get high, I can literally let my whole mind relax and completely empty itself to where I'm not really even aware that I have a body, but I'm still aware. I could never do that before. My thoughts would wander randomly, this way and that. Just a big jumble. Now I don't think about anything unless I want to, and so when I do think about something, I can think more clearly about it since my head is less of a mess. So there it is. I guess that's probably true of many of you out there... maybe you weren't subjected to the fire and brimstone version of Hell like I was, so you have been able to enjoy pot without going through any life-changing problems. Or maybe you've been exposed to it, but perhaps haven't explored that part of your mind yet? So I now wonder if I've been fucked up my whole life up until this point, and now I can finally see the world the way everyone else sees it. Or I don't know.... The world seems a lot different after clearing out all those old fears of Hell.
wannabeshaman1POZNAVALAC

maj 2008.

#3
odli ana pri a...zahvaljuem ti se preko posta :D jer nemogu na onu opciju. uspio sam i donest isti zaklju ak kao i on prije nego sam ga pro itao :D tako da nema smisla da komentiram jer bi zapravo samo prepisao dio pri e iste stvari sam i ja shvatio...ali na~alost kontemplacijom a ne izravnim iskustvom :( tako to je to kao da i nisam spoznao. jedino mi se ne svia ato je on tvrdi kako ga je trava sredila.... mislim da je on iskoristio travu kao alat ali zapravo je sam sebe sredio i stvarno mu se treba divit na tome... ato je umjesto potiskivanja i ignorancije odlu io osvjestiti svoje probleme. a osim toga ovaj tip je vrlo dobar argument kako droge same po sebi nisu loae ve sve ovisi o onome tko ih konzumira mislim ako se uspio izlje iti od nekih vrlo ozbiljnih psihi kih poreme aja
BeyondLEGENDA

maj 2008.

#4
pa da, trava je alat, i sve ostalo oko tebe, jedino ti sam mo~ea napraviti neato od sebe. ovom liku je trava stisnula dobru aamarelicu i to je ok, ali neki ljudi na~alost otiu predaleko tj. sjbe ih ja e ovo druatvo i kad njima trava stisne aamar inu onda se mogu pogubiti u aizofreniju i sli no... sve je u naaim glavama a oko nas su alati, mogu biti potencijalno opasni ali i lijek. vidia koliko je sve relativno, upravo zato jer smo svi razli iti i svjetovi za sebe
wannabeshaman1POZNAVALAC

maj 2008.

#5
mo~da se jednog dana i ja izlje im ;) a sad idem u carstvo lucidnosti...gdje namjera postaje stvarnost. edit:i po meni svi ljudi imaju ovakvu psihozu samo je ona potisnuta duboku u nama... treba ju se osloboditi...izvu na povrainu sa~vakat i izbacit. nadam se da se ku~i ata ~elim rei...sro io bi bolje da jedva gledam
3kokosa2ISTRAŽIVAČ

maj 2008.

#6
dobro govorite ljudi. ja sam proale godine imao neke sitne panike kao posljedica bad tripa od previae gljiva i trave u jednom danu u amsterdamu :vb_kez: treba sjest, dobro razmislit ato se dogodilo i pokuaat se nekako pomiriti sa "alatom". evo ja sam se nedavno pomirio sa gljivama nakon tog bad tripa (sa travom sam se i prije pomirio, ihihi) i mislim da mi se viae nikad nee dogodit onaka pizdaria vulgaris (lat. obi na pizdarija). ovaj lik je napravio odli nu stvar pobijedivai taj strah i uzimajui pomalo, ato je ustvari trebao napraviti i prvi put. al ko e ga znat, jel :facesjump:
BugiPOZNAVALAC

maj 2008.

#7
yea...odlicna prica...vidim se u njoj... iako strahovi su bili drugaciji ali smisao je isti... izgleda da vecina danasnjih glavina(autoriteta, zakonodavaca) nas zele da budemo preumorni, davati lazni odmor, kontrolirajuci te preko laznih strahova... meni se nesvida tako...iako dosta ljudi vidi to kao izlaz... vi niste sigurno... ali ima puno drugih ljudi oko nas...
Zabljak 1992POZNAVALAC

maj 2008.

#8
Prica je...preduga.:bong7bp:
pecko88ENTUZIJASTA

maj 2008.

#9
I ja sam imao neke strahove u zivotu, i se mogu delimicno prepoznati u storiju. Samo su moji strahovi bili o samom zivotu. Sta ce biti sutra, preksutra, iduce godine i tak dalje. Ali sada razmisljam samo o onome sta treba sledece za obavit, kao ono sta obaviti u sledecih 10 min. I osecam se mongo bolje. A ono u vezi religiji sa storijom, preporucujem vam da pogledate film ZeitGeist. Film govori o religijama, a kasnije nesto o 9/11 i o bankarskom sistemu, sve u svemu o kontroli koja se namece ljudima i njihovim shvacanja. Ako ne mozete pronaci film, onda ga mogu uploadovati na neki torrent ii dati vam link, razume se ako ste zainteresovani. Ali preporucujem vam da pogledate kako bi videli kako se namce kontorola. Pozdrav iz MKD :ludaci_lol:
elephant0rAMBASADOR

maj 2008.

#10
Pecko tu su svi vec vidjeli zeitgeist davno, a i prije njega bili svjesni kako se namece kontrola Fino je vidjet da imamo sve vise clanova iz Makedonije! ;)
pecko88ENTUZIJASTA

maj 2008.

#11
Ljepo je znati da su ljudi gledali film, samo sam se namucio natjerati neke ljude da ga gledaju, ali oni ne zele uopste razmisljati da i neko moze kontrolirati. Ali sta da se radi kada kontrola funkicionira onako bas kako neke zele, da ljudi misle da ih uopste niko ne kontrolira..:( :knockknock: Al jeli neko ima ispranih titlova ??? Bio bih veoma zahvalan ako ih neko negdje uploadne...:banana_dred: moje ne rade kako treba...a neki ko oce da ga gledaju, nemogu zato sto ne razumiju engleski...a inace sam to laizy da ga prevedem.
LucidDreamAMBASADOR

jun 2008.

#12
Just wanted to thank you 3kokosa2 for this great theme...respect...

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