Zanimljivo psihotično iskustvo sa travom [ENG]

Hesi Prodavnica Hempatia Organics Nutrients

3kokosa2

Aktivan Član
02.06.2007
69
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copy paste sa alt.drugs.pot. Ukratko čovjek je kad je prvi put pušio doživio intenzivan trip i završio na psihijatriji. Dalje objašnjava kako je prevladao sve strahove i kako mu je trava na kraju ipak pomogla da shvati neke stvari. Vrlo zanimljivo, isplati se cijelo pročitati. Ispričavam se na engleskom, ali nemam vremena prevesti...

"First of all, I used to be a regular poster here a few years ago, but
sort of drifted away. I wasn't toking anymore, so I just sort of felt
like I was the old lady hanging around a nursing home.

But now, I'm so glad to be writing this high as a kite. But a little
background on why I stopped smoking and why I restarted...

I first started toking in December of 1996. I was 26 years old at the
time. Some guy from work, who happened to be a 17-year-old, by the
way, after two months of asking, finally got me to try some. I never
thought I'd see the day that a Mr. Goodie Two-Shoes like me would ever
try "taking drugs." But I did. And I was disappointed...disappointed
in myself for believing all the crap I was told about marijuana, and
how it would make the world look like a mosaic of construction paper
and jellybeans.

I enjoyed just being high for a while, and noticed that I seemed to be
able to think more clearly than usual. I thought that might be
useful, so in March of 1997, I decided to start getting high, then
trying to find answers to the big questions in life. Things like: Who
am I? Why am I here? Why are any of us here? Who is God? Is the
universe infinite? Is there a Hell?

I used the internet, the Bible and apocryphal texts, and scriptures of
other religions, along with various new age books, trying to find
answers. Some things started making sense. Some things about my
life, the questions I was asking, the things I was experiencing, were
all starting to add up to something, but I wasn't sure exactly what.
Well, by August of 1997, I was having some wild experiences, basically
flipping out. Some idea popped into my mind -- some powerful message
from beyond that said, "You're God!" Well, I immediately shrieked in
horror, "Noooo!!!" I didn't want to be God! At that moment in time,
my own logic would not allow me to deny myself the experience of being
God. I was committing the biggest blasphemy of all, and even after
projecting through the cosmos a vision of heaven so full of lust and
sin that everyone in heaven would have to be a cheap slut to even cope
with the environment.

Then I got even more powerful messages from beyond saying,
"THAT'S NOT WHAT HEAVEN'S LIKE!"
I insisted in my telepathic communications back to it, that, "Yes
IT IS!!"
I got back, "YOU ARE GOING TO H E L L ! ! ! !" And at that
instant, my body was racked with something that wasn't pain, but it
made me arch my back and sort of force air into my lungs while trying
to hold my breath. Instant horror.
Later, I got high again and this time I was reading internet
messages and somehow my mind interconnected with what I was reading
and I got the idea that Jesus was back to rapture the world any
second, and I remember being so damned happy. But then my joy turned
to horror when I discovered that indeed it was time for the rapture,
but I failed and was going to Hell. Now. No discussion. Time has
expired for forgiveness. You're going to Hell, and I don't have to
tell you why. It was a horrible feeling. I felt my skin burning as
the torment of my soul commenced, and I was assured that the pain
would be quickly rising exponentially, and would last forever more.
In my horror, something got me to call my mother, but the number
I dialed was to my roommate's mother. And I got into a bunch of
questions with her, obviously scaring her to death. But that was the
end of that panic attack. But it put me over the edge into full-blown
psychosis. I ended up spending three weeks in a mental hospital,
diagnosed with psychosis, schizophrenia, narcissism, and emotional
displacement...oh, and a touch of autism, he said.
My parents took me home to stay with them for a couple of months.
They told me that the psychiatrist had said that smoking pot had
caused my psychosis. He said that some people can handle pot, and
some can't. The ones who can get along normally, and the ones who
can't (like me) go berserk. My parents told me that each time I smoke
pot, it will get worse and worse. I never heard the doctor say this
himself, mind you. I just heard this first from my parents, who are
verily, verily, I say unto thee, against the use of marijuana.
My friend and lifelong intermittent roommate came to rescue me
from that situation in December 1997. I stayed with him and got a
hold of some more pot. I smoked again and on that first time, I came
back inside with a nice high going. I put a piece of apple pie in the
microwave for two minutes and thought, "Hmmm... A two-minute warning."
I stared, mystified at the slice of apple pie turning lazily in
the microwave. I stood up and looked around and was feeling very
weird. My roommate looked at me and asked if I was okay. I didn't
know. Suddenly it hit me. I'd smoked pot again, so I was going to
Hell. Here we go again! Another trip to Hell! But this time I had
more sense about me and told my roommate to talk to me, and to keep
going back over the same topics so I can keep a grasp on reality. He
helped me out with that. I came out of that panic attack fine.
After four years of dealing with these mental symptoms, I was
able to work again after all my delusions failed to come true. I got
a job, then a car, then a different job, and then moved back closer to
home where I'm at today.
 

3kokosa2

Aktivan Član
02.06.2007
69
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So a couple of weeks ago I decided to try smoking some pot again.
But expecting another panic attack, I was very careful not to smoke
too much too soon. I smoked just a tiny little bit the first time
through a water bong I'd made out of a water bottle. Not even enough
to feel a buzz. But no signs of a panic attack after five minutes.
I tried a little more, more than the first time. After a few
minutes I did start to feel a buzz coming on. I started having some
connective, synchronistic experiences with the text I was reading on
my computer screen. It was the kingdom of God, which I guess can be
reached without pot, but how everything interconnected with my
thoughts on that first high was astonishing. But soon, I started to
come down from that, and started having darker thoughts, and sure
enough I felt a panic attack coming, but more slowly than before.
I walked to the bed, trembling, lying down and expecting the
worst. But it was milder than I thought. I went through it on my own
without making a sound, though it was scary.
I got high again the next night and had an even milder attack,
and you wouldn't even call it a panic attack. You'd just say I scared
myself half to death with my overactive imagination.
Well, it turns out, after looking back at everything, that just
as I had suspected during my hiatus from smoking pot, that it wasn't
the marijuana that caused the problem. It was the ideas I took on as
fact during my formative years. One of my "fondest" memories is a
scene taking place in a fundamentalist Pentecostal Christian church. I
mean the hard-core no TV-watching, no makeup on the women, no long
hair on the men variety of pentecostal believers. The preacher was up
on the pulpit screaming with rage that we all deserve nothing but
Hell, and that we all deserve to go there and burn in an everlasting
fire seven times hotter than any fire on Earth...unless we accept
Jesus and his crucifixion on the cross as payment for our commission
of sins.
During my life, I'd come to adopt my own beliefs about God. I
wasn't willing to accept what preachers were telling me about God. I
thought that if we were created in God's image, then we must also
desire the same things that God desires. Safety, comfort, and lots of
pleasure and bliss. Why would God create life to experience an
eternal struggle to reach an impossible goal? No, I believed it had
to be simpler--that God created life to move quickly from birth to
godhood. I have never believed in reincarnation. I think we are
created as souls, have a temporary existence in a reality-space held
together by God and kept from complete destruction, and as our own
soul learns about reality and how to manipulate the way we perceive
reality, works to pull you away from the collective and create a new
universe for you to exist in forever -- eternal life, all there for
your entertainment and pleasure, in whatever form that takes for
you--and anything you can imagine is possible.
Naturally, I then had in my mind during the first panic attack,
two completely opposite styles of gods. One was a dickhead asshole
totalitarian dictator motherfucker, and the other was an
all-permissive God whose motto is, "If you can imagine it, it's not a
sin." The war was on in my mind to see who was going to be the
victor. This went on for some time from 1997 to 2001 and finally I
stopped thinking about it much until March 6, 2008. Then that's when
I started smoking again was about five weeks after that.
So what I'm actually saying, after all that extra wordage, is
that marijuana has actually FIXED my "mental problem." It exposed
that deep-rooted wrapping of fear around my soul -- fear of
everything...fear that everything I was doing was ensuring my eternal
damnation. While that used to be a real terror in my highs, now I
think of going to Hell and I just laugh about it. The prescription
pharmaceuticals those doctors tried to make me take certainly wasn't
doing what pot did. Those pills like risperdol and chlorpromazine
shut the mind down where it can't work all that crap out like it's
designed to do -- weeding out the crap from the mushrooms, so to
speak. Once you weed out the crap, and all you have left is
mushrooms, you're on a natural, controlled shroom trip without the
shrooms, and the things you learn, you retain because you've built the
knowledge and understanding on a foundation, and not jumped over the
foundation to get to the mentally pleasurable stuff, which disappears
after the shrooms wear off.
Now when I get high, I can literally let my whole mind relax and
completely empty itself to where I'm not really even aware that I have
a body, but I'm still aware. I could never do that before. My
thoughts would wander randomly, this way and that. Just a big jumble.
Now I don't think about anything unless I want to, and so when I do
think about something, I can think more clearly about it since my head
is less of a mess.
So there it is. I guess that's probably true of many of you out
there... maybe you weren't subjected to the fire and brimstone version
of Hell like I was, so you have been able to enjoy pot without going
through any life-changing problems. Or maybe you've been exposed to
it, but perhaps haven't explored that part of your mind yet?
So I now wonder if I've been fucked up my whole life up until
this point, and now I can finally see the world the way everyone else
sees it. Or I don't know.... The world seems a lot different after
clearing out all those old fears of Hell.
 

wannabeshaman1

Aktivan Član
31.05.2007
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trabunjar.bloger.hr
odličana priča...zahvaljuem ti se preko posta :D jer nemogu nač onu opciju.
uspio sam i donest isti zaključak kao i on prije nego sam ga pročitao :D
tako da nema smisla da komentiram jer bi zapravo samo prepisao dio priče
iste stvari sam i ja shvatio...ali nažalost kontemplacijom a ne izravnim iskustvom :(
tako to je to kao da i nisam spoznao.
jedino mi se ne sviđa što je on tvrdi kako ga je trava sredila....
mislim da je on iskoristio travu kao alat ali zapravo je sam sebe sredio
i stvarno mu se treba divit na tome...
što je umjesto potiskivanja i ignorancije odlučio osvjestiti svoje probleme.
a osim toga ovaj tip je vrlo dobar argument
kako droge same po sebi nisu loše već sve ovisi o onome tko ih konzumira
mislim ako se uspio izlječiti od nekih vrlo ozbiljnih psihičkih poremečaja
 

Beyond

Vutra Veteran
07.08.2006
1.945
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pa da, trava je alat, i sve ostalo oko tebe, jedino ti sam možeš napraviti nešto od sebe. ovom liku je trava stisnula dobru šamarelicu i to je ok, ali neki ljudi nažalost otiđu predaleko tj. sjbe ih jače ovo društvo i kad njima trava stisne šamarčinu onda se mogu pogubiti u šizofreniju i slično... sve je u našim glavama a oko nas su alati, mogu biti potencijalno opasni ali i lijek. vidiš koliko je sve relativno, upravo zato jer smo svi različiti i svjetovi za sebe
 

wannabeshaman1

Aktivan Član
31.05.2007
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trabunjar.bloger.hr
možda se jednog dana i ja izlječim ;)
a sad idem u carstvo lucidnosti...gdje namjera postaje stvarnost.
edit:i po meni svi ljudi imaju ovakvu psihozu samo je ona potisnuta duboku u nama...
treba ju se osloboditi...izvuć na površinu sažvakat i izbacit.
nadam se da se kuži šta želim reći...sročio bi bolje da jedva gledam
 

3kokosa2

Aktivan Član
02.06.2007
69
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dobro govorite ljudi. ja sam prošle godine imao neke sitne panike kao posljedica bad tripa od previše gljiva i trave u jednom danu u amsterdamu :vb_kez:

treba sjest, dobro razmislit što se dogodilo i pokušat se nekako pomiriti sa "alatom". evo ja sam se nedavno pomirio sa gljivama nakon tog bad tripa (sa travom sam se i prije pomirio, ihihi) i mislim da mi se više nikad neće dogodit onaka pizdaria vulgaris (lat. obična pizdarija). ovaj lik je napravio odličnu stvar pobijedivši taj strah i uzimajući pomalo, što je ustvari trebao napraviti i prvi put. al ko će ga znat, jel :facesjump:
 

Bugi

Aktivan Član
10.11.2006
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yea...odlicna prica...vidim se u njoj...
iako strahovi su bili drugaciji ali smisao je isti...
izgleda da vecina danasnjih glavina(autoriteta, zakonodavaca) nas zele da budemo preumorni, davati lazni odmor, kontrolirajuci te preko laznih strahova...
meni se nesvida tako...iako dosta ljudi vidi to kao izlaz...
vi niste sigurno...
ali ima puno drugih ljudi oko nas...
 

pecko88

Aktivan Član
26.04.2008
234
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I ja sam imao neke strahove u zivotu, i se mogu delimicno prepoznati u storiju.
Samo su moji strahovi bili o samom zivotu. Sta ce biti sutra, preksutra, iduce godine i tak dalje.
Ali sada razmisljam samo o onome sta treba sledece za obavit, kao ono sta obaviti u sledecih 10 min. I osecam se mongo bolje.
A ono u vezi religiji sa storijom, preporucujem vam da pogledate film ZeitGeist.
Film govori o religijama, a kasnije nesto o 9/11 i o bankarskom sistemu, sve u svemu o kontroli koja se namece ljudima i njihovim shvacanja.
Ako ne mozete pronaci film, onda ga mogu uploadovati na neki torrent ii dati vam link, razume se ako ste zainteresovani.
Ali preporucujem vam da pogledate kako bi videli kako se namce kontorola.
Pozdrav iz MKD :ludaci_lol:
 

elephant0r

Vutra Veteran
17.09.2007
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Pecko tu su svi vec vidjeli zeitgeist davno, a i prije njega bili svjesni kako se namece kontrola

Fino je vidjet da imamo sve vise clanova iz Makedonije! ;)
 

pecko88

Aktivan Član
26.04.2008
234
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elephant0r je napisao(la):
Pecko tu su svi vec vidjeli zeitgeist davno, a i prije njega bili svjesni kako se namece kontrola

Fino je vidjet da imamo sve vise clanova iz Makedonije! ;)

Ljepo je znati da su ljudi gledali film, samo sam se namucio natjerati neke ljude da ga gledaju, ali oni ne zele uopste razmisljati da i neko moze kontrolirati.
Ali sta da se radi kada kontrola funkicionira onako bas kako neke zele, da ljudi misle da ih uopste niko ne kontrolira..:( :knockknock:

Al jeli neko ima ispranih titlova ???
Bio bih veoma zahvalan ako ih neko negdje uploadne...:banana_dred:
moje ne rade kako treba...a neki ko oce da ga gledaju, nemogu zato sto ne razumiju engleski...a inace sam to laizy da ga prevedem.